He has a disability so he will never….

I’m re-posting one of our most popular blog posts.  Enjoy!

Recently, one of my children was diagnosed with Tourette Syndrome.  I couldn’t help but get the flash in my head that some of you may have right now….a kid screaming nasty words and slurs in public.  The media has indeed sensationalized this small portion of Tourettes.  In fact, according to the Tourette Syndrome Association, only 15% of people with TS exhibit this symptom.  With that being said, the judgement of my son immediately began.  Someone in my family said, “Great, well this means he will never get married!”  Another remarked that “it’s good that you have a nice home because it’s very likely that he will be living with you for his entire life.”  REALLY?!?!?!?!

I have never been a judgemental person.  I teach my children to accept everyone as they are.  God created everyone to be wonderful and He doesn’t make mistakes.  My husband and I try not to make derogatory statements in front of our kids.  Sure, we are not perfect but sincerely strive to teach our kids that bullying others or making judgements about others is not OK.  Some kids have obvious differences, such as my son.  He has a feeding tube and has frequent involuntary eye and body movements.  My good friend’s son has one arm.  Another friend’s son has Down’s Syndrome.  These children have SO much to offer those who get to know them- those who dare to see beyond the physical.  My son is the sweetest child that I have met.  When he sees someone crying, he immediately tries to console them.  He is smart and loving.  He is good at things that interest him.  He WILL change the world someday, and has already changed the lives of those who see beyond the things which make him “different” than themselves.

What about you?  What makes you different than others?  What do you do when you see someone different that you are?  Do you judge?  Do you make comments that may cause pain to others?  Are you aware that variety is the spice of life?  I encourage you to look at your reactions to others, to look at your children’s reactions to others.  What gives any of us the right to say negative things about others out loud or to their face?  You don’t have the right to tell someone that their child will NEVER do ANYTHING.  The fact is, you should not say anything to any mother bear like me who will stop at nothing to ensure that my children have every chance to do what they dare to dream!

Please leave a comment to give me your thoughts….positive or negative….

By- Cara Koscinki MOT, OTR/L 

Author of The Pocket Occupational Therapist- a handbook for caregivers of children with special needs.  Questions and answers most frequently asked to OTs with easy to understand answers and fun activities you can do with your child.  Order anywhere books are sold.  www.pocketot.com 

Dear Bully,

cropped-boyforr2g1.jpgToday you hit my son.  You called him “stupid.”  You said he was a “weirdo.”

It seemed so cool to you to say these things to him in front of your friends.  They all laughed.

Yesterday, you asked a group of children to pummel him with balls during recess.  They all joined in while my son tried to laugh it off.  Yes, you are on a sports team and my son is one of the kids who studies his video games.  He is weak physically compared to you because while you were learning how to toss a ball in your backyard, my son was learning how to speak.  You see Bully, my son was born with autism.  Speech, coordination, social skills, and processing everyday things didn’t come easily for him.  He went to speech therapy two times a week.  He worked in occupational therapy to learn how to eat and chew his food without vomiting.  You were eating all kinds of foods never realizing how much work someone else did to learn to use a fork and spoon.  He spent three months with casts on his feet because his sensory processing issues caused him to walk on his toes and get tight heel cords.  Therapists became his friends because they were who he spent most of his time with.  You were out playing on the playground while my son was sitting on the bench, not knowing the words to say to get other children to play with him.  You were climbing on the monkey bars while my son was conquering his fear of stepping onto the first rung.  His body has trouble processing all of the laughter you and your friends were making.  It sounded painful to him, Bully.  He tried and tried to be like you and when he finally came close and opened up, you said hurtful words to him.  He didn’t expect that.  He expected kindness yet got cruelty.  You looked at him as being weaker than you…….

BUT Bully, I know the truth.  I know how hard my son worked to be “typical” like you.  I know how many dollars were spent on therapy, equipment, weighted blankets, visual aids.  I sat with him as he learned what emotions are.  He watched countless videos on how to make friends.  He practiced over and over and over again with anyone who we could find to play with him….there weren’t many…..He worked to learn to carry on a conversation with you.  He fought through his fear of sounds, sights, and feelings to get into this school with you.  You have NO IDEA what he’s been through.  What his father, sister, brother, and I have been through.  It has not been an easy road.

What you don’t yet see Bully, is that autism is beautiful.  My son is beautiful.  He has qualities that will propel him into wonderful things in his life.  He is bright, sensitive, kind, generous, and a good friend.  He is good at lots of cool things that most kids don’t think about.  His life is a blessing to all of us.  Every baby step he takes is celebrated in our home.  We see him for the unique person he is.

Bully, you think you’re on top now.  I wish you would open your eyes to see differences in everyone.  I wish no harm on you, Bully because someday you may have a child with special needs.  You may have to fight and advocate for your baby like I did- and only then will you truly understand.  I can only pray that your child does not meet a bully like you.

By- Cara Koscinki MOT, OTR/L 

Author of The Pocket Occupational Therapist– a handbook for caregivers of children with special needs.  Questions and answers most frequently asked to OTs with easy to understand answers and fun activities you can do with your child.  Order anywhere books are sold.  www.pocketot.com

He has a disability so he will never….

Recently, one of my children was diagnosed with Tourette Syndrome.  I couldn’t help but get the flash in my head that some of you may have right now….a kid screaming nasty words and slurs in public.  The media has indeed sensationalized this small portion of Tourettes.  In fact, according to the Tourette Syndrome Association, only 15% of people with TS exhibit this symptom.  With that being said, the judgement of my son immediately began.  One person very close to me said, “Great, well this means he will never get married!”  Another remarked that it’s good that we have a big home because it’s very likely that he will be living with us for his entire life.  REALLY?!?!?!?!

I have never been a judgemental person.  I teach my children to accept everyone as they are.  God created everyone to be wonderful and He doesn’t make mistakes.  My husband and I try not to make derogatory statements in front of our kids.  Sure, we are not perfect but sincerely strive to teach our kids that bullying others or making judgements about others is not OK.  Some kids have obvious differences, such as my son.  He has a feeding tube and has frequent involuntary eye and body movements.  My good friend’s son has one arm.  Another friend’s son has Down’s Syndrome.  These children have SO much to offer those who get to know them- those who dare to see beyond the physical.  My son is the sweetest child that I have met.  When he sees someone crying, he immediately tries to console them.  He is smart and loving.  He is good at things that interest him.  He WILL change the world someday, and has already changed the lives of those who see beyond the things which make him “different” than themselves.

What about you?  What makes you different than others?  What do you do when you see someone different that you are?  Do you judge?  Do you make comments that may cause pain to others?  Are you aware that variety is the spice of life?  I encourage you to look at your reactions to others, to look at your children’s reactions to others.  What gives any of us the right to say negative things about others out loud or to their face?  You don’t have the right to tell someone that their child will NEVER do ANYTHING.  The fact is, you should not say anything to any mother bear like me who will stop at nothing to ensure that my children have every chance to do what they dare to dream!

Please leave a comment to give me your thoughts….positive or negative….

By- Cara Koscinki MOT, OTR/L 

Author of The Pocket Occupational Therapist- a handbook for caregivers of children with special needs.  Questions and answers most frequently asked to OTs with easy to understand answers and fun activities you can do with your child.  Order anywhere books are sold.  www.pocketot.com 

Bullying

We Love Puzzles!!

Why is it that children get bullied?  It’s my personal belief that some children make fun of what they do not understand.  If a child does something that’s perceived as different that another child, he/she may laugh or make a joke.  Sometimes our children are called “weird” or “stupid” or “different” by their peers.  Yes, it is true, our little puzzles may do some things that others may think is odd.  We all do things that make us feel comfortable, bite our nails, chew gum, twirl our hair….Sometimes, kids just have bigger motions like hand flapping, twirling, interesting infatuations etc. that make them feel comfortable, but they just cannot hide them-they shouldn’t have to.

In a recent session with my son, his therapist asked him which words she should not use during therapy or words that he just didn’t like.  I was fully expecting him to say, one of the four letter words or the use of the Lord’s name in vein (which we do not permit in our home).  Instead he totally shocked me and said, “Please don’t say weird, odd, crazy, or different because the children in my school use those words about me sometimes in my face and sometimes I hear them whispering them when I walk by.”  My heart TOTALLY sank and I was shocked.  He’d never shared this with me before.  It’s such a shame that he must experience this from other children.  He’s in elementary school.  What will it be like for him when hormones and peer pressure kick in?

When we came home and since then, I have used the word “different” and “unique” and “special” in a positive way and want him to know that being his own special person is so very important.  We should teach our own children, especially those who are typically developing and aren’t used to our kids’ cool flapping, waving, and hand motions that just because something is different makes it even more special.   We should teach our children to learn from “different” and that everyone has something unique and special about them to share with others.

PLEASE share with us your stories of bullying and how you cope.  Let’s try to help each other!

By- Cara Koscinki MOT, OTR/L 

Author of The Pocket Occupational Therapist- a handbook for caregivers of children with special needs.  Questions and answers most freqenty asked to OTs with easy to understand answers and fun activities you can do with your child.  Order anywhere books are sold.  www.pocketot.com