Looking at TOYS through a therapist’s eyes!

Pocket OT- TOYSChildren of all ages learn skills through engaging in play. After all, when children are not asleep they are learning about their environment through various play activities during their day. They enjoy diving hands first into play experiences! Completing the tasks of building blocks, working a puzzle, and drawing pictures will yield skills that the child will use throughout his lifetime. Occupational therapists are fortunate enough to be a critical part of the treatment team for children with special needs. We have developed a specialty called “activity analysis.” This means we work by looking at how an activity is broken down into smaller steps. Therapists who work with children have become experts in looking at different games and toys to determine which skills a child needs to complete them. When the therapist finds a weakness in a particular skill, we can “prescribe” different games or toys to help improve the skill. It is a fun job to have, indeed!
Children are wired to use their senses to develop skills during play. A toy that gives the child something interesting that involves more than one sense will automatically be more enjoyable to him. More pathways to brain development are opened and used. Here is a list of things therapists look at when evaluating a toy:

fbpocketotresized-copy.pngOut of the POCKET Ideas!

• What does the toy feel like? What is the texture-soft, smooth, rough, hard?
• Does the toy have a scent to it? For example, certain dolls smell like fruits.
• Is the toy colorful? Are the colors bright and bold or pastel and dull?
• Does the child need both hands to manipulate the toy?
• Does the child need to read or recognize letters and numbers to enjoy the toy?
• Is there a lot of figure-ground information? Examples of toys where the ability to
determine what is in the front or background would be mazes, Eye Spy, Puzzles.
• Does the toy make noise?
• Is it a “social” toy? Like a doll house or card games.
• Does the toy require long periods of attention? Board Games
• Does the toy move, vibrate, or shake?

The list above contains a few areas we look at when examining a particular toy. Here’s an example of an analysis of a toy: A child receives a game of Hi Ho Cheery-O. He needs to be able to sit on floor or table for at least 10 minutes to play the game (control of his body) (attention); must be able to refrain from placing the small cherry manipulative into his mouth (impulse control) (age-appropriate mouthing), be able to count (number/cognitive (thinking) skills); be willing to interact with another player (social skills); be able to pick up and place the small cherries into the bucket (fine motor/coordination); be able to place the cherries into the correct colored bucket (color recognition); and be willing to accept that he may win or lose the game. Everyone knows that there are ages listed on most games, but they don’t think much about what skills are necessary and at what age those skills develop.

Remember to think about your child’s developmental age and not her ACTUAL age. For example, she may be 7 but her speech, fine motor skills, and thinking may be delayed by two years. Toys should be purchased for an 5 year old, then and not a 7 year old. Make sure that the toy is not too easy for her or she will become bored with it. I would encourage you to review the tips above and take your child on a fun visit to the toy store to see what interests her. Teacher supply stores are also full of ecuational treasures. Therapy catalogues and on-line stores such as FunandFunction offer wonderful toys in a way that’s easily searched and at reasonable prices.

Need helpful handouts?  The Pocket Occupational Therapist offers helpful FREE and for a fee handouts and webinars for you!  Also, we are having a SALE on our store items including our best-selling CDs for children who fear loud noises.  You can now purchase individual tracks, such as Fire Alarm and Thunder!  Enter 7EW6M8S9 for 20% off of your order and feel free to share.

It’s important for our children to be successful with a toy to build their confidence for learning newer, more difficult skills!

HAPPY SHOPPING!

~Cara
By- Cara Koscinski MOT, OTR/L

Mom to two children with SPD and autism. Author of The Pocket Occupational Therapist– a handbook for caregivers of children with special needs. Questions and answers most frequently asked to OTs with easy to understand answers and fun activities you can do with your child. Order anywhere books are sold. http://www.pocketot.com

Back to School Tips

School Days

School Days

This is a re-blog of one of our most popular posts on preparing for school….enjoy!

School already?!?!  Yes, it’s that time of year. When I saw that first back to school commercial, the anxiety of preparing for school came upon me. I knew that the transition from shorts to pants, from casual dress to uniform, from free-time to structured learning was approaching quickly. It seemed as though I just transitioned the kids into summer activities and they were finally comfortable with the routine. No matter, school and end of summer arrives whether we (and our children) are ready or not. This is life-transitions are always approaching-some are easy while some aren’t.

Never fear! The Pocket Occupational Therapist is here with some tried and true suggestions for your family. Anxiety comes from not knowing what is coming ahead. Giving your child control of anything possible is a good way to build confidence and decrease worry.

1) Lay out pants, dress shirts, or school uniforms at least three weeks before school. Habits can take at least 21 days to be broken. Allow your child to shop with you and make choices if possible about school attire. Often times, uniform material is much more stiff and “pinchy feeling” than lighter summer clothing. Make a schedule and encourage your child to wear school clothing for a brief time each day and gradually work up the time. Be sure to offer a reward for a job well done! Having another child such as a sibling or friend complete this activity with your child can be especially fun.

2) Do not wait until the last-minute to purchase school supplies. Take your child to the store and allow him to make choices of color of notebooks, folders, brand of pencils, etc. Any choice you are able to give your child encourages feelings that he’s in control of the situation. This is important as so many aspects of school are beyond his control.

3) Ask your child to help you to label items. This is a good way to practice writing his name. Allow him to choose the color of the marker. Use of an “old-fashioned” label maker is a good way to increase hand strength. Squeezing the tool can work those hand muscles.

4) Obtain the daily school schedule and post it on the refrigerator or a centrally located area. Review the schedule daily and use words such as, “It’s 9:00 now. When you are in school you will be in reading class with Mrs. Jane.” Do this frequently throughout the day.

5) Begin to practice handwriting and keyboarding with your child. Have him help you to make the grocery list, daily schedule, or write cards to relatives. Making handwriting fun is important to build confidence and strengthen those hand muscles in preparation for school.

6) Begin bedtime routines at least three weeks prior to school. It won’t be easy so do not fret! Gradually work up to the desired bedtime and make a written “wind-down” schedule of activities that are calming and the bed time routine. Allow your child to help make the schedule and give rewards for every little success. Use calming music, massage, and soothing scents in the bath to encourage the body and mind to relax.

7) Meet with your child’s teacher prior to the first day of school. A trip to his classroom with a camera is an excellent preparation activity. Allow him to take pictures of the classroom, desk, cubby/locker and make a scrapbook of his school and room. We had a child who was extremely fearful of the fire alarm/drill in the classroom. We permitted him to take pictures of the fire alarm and used the Sound-Eaze and/or School -Eaze CDs to listen to the sounds of fire alarms. Giving him the heads-up of what sounds to expect was a good tool to decrease his anxiety of the un-known. Some schools have summer camps. If the school permits it, allow your child to sit in on a camp day/class to get used to the noises and bustle of the classroom. The more preparation you can give your child, the more likely he will be to make a successful transition into the classroom.

8) Encourage your child that he should try his best and that he does not have to be perfect! Mistakes are the best way to show that your child is trying. Review errors with him and encourage him to problem solve. Many of my clients believe that their child is trying his best, but often get too busy with life’s events to take time to reward for the good qualities and times when children succeed. We fill out repeated questionnaires asking what our child’s weaknesses are that we often forget about their strengths.

What activities does your family have to prepare for school? Let us know!!

By- Cara Koscinki MOT, OTR/L

Author of The Pocket Occupational Therapist- a handbook for caregivers of children with special needs. Questions and answers most frequently asked to OTs with easy to understand answers and fun activities you can do with your child. Order anywhere books are sold. www.pocketot.com

The Casserole Society

HOW CAN I SUPPORT A CAREGIVER OF SOMEONE WITH SPECIAL NEEDS/CHRONIC MEDICAL ISSUES?

Support

By: Cara Koscinski ,The Pocket Occupational Therapist

*Re-Printed with permission

The old adage says, “You never know what happens behind closed doors.” Everyone has struggles and triumphs. Some deal with their situations more quietly than others. Raising a child with special needs or dealing with chronic illness can bring tremendous joy for families as their child reaches his goals and takes baby steps toward a more functional life. On the contrary, there are many “bad days.” The amount of stress parents must deal with on a daily basis can be great. The same may be true when you find out that someone in your life (or even yourself) has a chronic medical condition. The fact is, chronic medical conditions and disabilities can change every day. Just when you feel you’ve got a handle on things, circumstances change. There may be feelings of isolation and helplessness. Often times, we think “No one knows what I’m going through.” These feelings are normal and are expected. Having a support system in place is critical in dealing with trials we face.

Our society has been trained to be supportive in the short term. For example, when someone has surgery, we bring them a meal and a card or flowers. As a therapist, I call this the “casserole effect.” Yes, it’s my own term and I’ve used it for years. The patient is expected to make a full recovery and everyone moves on with life and their own business. Here’s another example: A greeting such as, “How are you doing today?” can be a formality in our society. The greeter may not want to know how you are doing and if you’d begin to tell him, he’d probably look at you like a deer in headlights. Everyone wants to move forward and deal with their own problems. No one wants to hear about yours-repeatedly. So, what to do when you’re dealing with a chronic illness and things just don’t “get better.” Most families lose friends and even some family but there are a few faithful people who stay for the long haul.

As an occupational therapist, it’s my job to look at the person as a whole and to assess how disease and disability affects each person’s daily life. Since every person is different, every person experiences things in a different way. Hopefully you or someone you love may benefit from reading the following lists.

The DON’Ts of providing support:

1) Don’t make promises you cannot keep. Do not offer to help if you do not mean it. Remember that someone may be counting on you.

2) Do not compare your situation to theirs. EVERYONE is different and there is no need to talk about yourself while the other person is trying to vent or lean on you for support. It is extremely irritating to me when I am speaking about my child’s medical procedure and the listener begins to complain about her own paper cut.

3) Do not make a food that contains any allergen/food someone cannot tolerate. I can think of nothing less considerate than making a meal with nuts if a child in the household is allergic to them.

4) Do not say that the illness is in the person’s head or that they are faking it. *Even if you think it….keep it to yourself.*

5) Do not give medical advice or treatments you’ve seen on television that are “cure-alls.” Leave the medical treatment/information to the person’s care team and medical staff.

6) Do not belittle someone when he/she is having a bad day. Just be a quiet listener and offer hugs, a listening ear, or kind smile.

7) Do not ask how things are going or how someone’s day is if you do not have the time to listen. It’s extremely rude to ask as a formality when someone else is hurting and could use a listening ear.

8) If you cannot say anything nice-do not say anything at all. Rude, hurtful, or thoughtless comments can cut deeply.

9) Do not compare the person’s illness to someone else who you know has something similar. Most likely, there will be lots of similarities from person to person in disease symptoms BUT the difference is how the symptoms affect the person’s daily life.

10) Do not appear frustrated when the person is having a bad day. Some days are good and some are bad. They are sporadic and not at all predictable. The person with the chronic condition wishes for good days too, believe me!

Here are the DOs in providing support:

1) Try to listen-whenever necessary. Be a quiet listener without offering advice. A shoulder to cry on or laugh with is of utmost importance.

2) Send random messages of support, texts, or e-mails. It is great to know someone’s thinking about you.

3) Learn about the illness or disease and ask how it specifically affects the family. Showing you’ve researched can show thoughtfulness. (Be careful not to offer medical advice, though. Researching statistics on the disease or it’s symptoms is helpful).

4) Volunteer to do errands. It’s easier to volunteer for specific tasks, “I’m going to the grocery store, do you need me to pick up anything for you?” “I’m driving past the restaurant; may I pick you up a meal?”

5) Offer to go to an appointment or therapy session. Moral support is priceless.

6) Get a gift certificate for the caregiver to help relieve stress. This includes a magazine subscription, massage, manicure, etc.

7) Do ask about the person’s health or personal situation before you ask them for a favor. It’s not all about what YOU want; it’s about being considerate and caring.

8) Offer to babysit or take the children out to a movie or the park. The break from caregiving can do wonders!

9) Do ask if there’s anything you can do for them today. Things can change quickly and an offer made last week may not apply to this week’s issues.

10) Do avoid gossip about the person involved, family circumstances, and any other personal information. Gossip adds to the stress of the situation and it has negative results.

Please remember that you have the ability to create or negate chaos in someone’s life. I’d like to encourage you to be the positive energy in someone else’s life. You never know, that somebody could someday be YOU going through an illness or disability.

About the author: Cara Koscinski has her Master’s degree in Occupational Therapy. She is the author of The Pocket Occupational Therapist-a book for caregivers of children with special needs. She is also the owner of Route2Greatness, LLC-a company providing OT consultations and products for children with special needs. Cara is the proud mother to two sons with autism spectrum and sensory processing disorders. She has systemic lupus and strives to find the positive side of life. You can visit her site for more information at www.pocketot.com

(c)The Pocket Occupational Therapist

Developing Skills Through PLAY

Playground FUN

Playground FUN

Occupational therapists are fortunate enough to be a critical part of the treatment team for children with special needs. Any difficulties children may face as a result of having a developmental delay should be addressed by incorporating play into their daily routine. While working with the adult population, occupational therapists focus on remediating skills for daily living and for work related tasks. When assessing the skills of children, the therapist must look at the child’s play skills. After all, when children are not asleep they are learning about their environment through the various play activities they engage in during their day. Even completing the tasks of building blocks, completing a puzzle, and drawing pictures will yield skills that the child will use throughout his lifetime.

The skills, developmental stages, and all activities listed in this blog post can be found in our book The Pocket Occupational Therapist for caregivers of families with special needs. It’s PACKED with easy to read ideas and is like having your OT with you all of the time! Can be purchased on Amazon or anywhere books are sold.

When caregivers attend occupational therapy sessions, most inevitably ask, “Why does it look like you are playing during the session? How is this therapy?” The occupational therapist should explain therapy goals and how she will work to achieve them during the course of therapy. It is important for caregivers to feel comfortable asking questions about activities to complete at home to help to facilitate therapy progress. Most caregivers want to help their child to achieve his goals and are willing to participate if given the chance. It is by asking questions and through home programs given by the therapist that caregivers can be key partners in a child’s success on building skills that will propel him through his lifetime.

The most important thing to remember when working with your child at home is to begin at a level where he can be successful. Each success will help to build his confidence. No one wants to fail at a task and oftentimes, a child with special needs may lack the confidence to re-try something at which he has previously failed. Be sure to watch your child as he plays to determine which activities he prefers. For example, note if he prefers to engage in messy play or dry play. Does he enjoy colors, shapes, letters, or numbers? When seeking items for your home play time, be sure to remember his favorite color or movie character. His excitement will help him to have fun while learning.

Fine-motor coordination involves tasks of the hands and fingers such as holding a writing utensil, using a fork, buttoning, and shoe-tying. It is a good idea to help your child to strengthen his fingers for these tasks. Set up activities that you know he will enjoy and have success with. here are many different types of dough recipes that can be found on the internet. Make some dough and add his favorite color to it with a small amount of food coloring or add glitter. Mix two different colors of dough together and see what colors you can make. The addition of different scented oils can heighten the activity to a new sensory level. Peppermint and vanilla oils are commonly found at the grocery store. Note which scents your child prefers.

Most children love to open and close things. Be sure to save containers of all shapes and sizes. After cleaning them out, place a special prize inside. Ask your child to open each and find the prize. Prizes can be food, pom-poms, treats, or anything that will be motivating for him. Cut a slit in the top of the lid and ask him to put coins or bingo chips inside the container. This will give him the opportunity to develop good coordination skills. Also, use different eye-droppers or a turkey baster to transfer colored water from cup to cup. Switch from hand to hand or have a race to see who can fill the cup up first.

Gross-motor coordination and building up a strong core muscle system will be key factors in determining success with future activities such as bicycle riding, hopping, and playing sports in the future. Even when children are infants, supervised tummy time is important to help muscles work against gravity. Place a motivating object near baby so that he has to lift his head to see it. Use lots of praise and encouragement. To help develop core muscle strength as children get older, it is important to revisit tummy time. Ask your child to watch a small portion of his favorite television show while lying on his belly. As he gets stronger build up the time. Pretending to be animals like snakes crawling in the grasslands is a fun game for older kids.

Crawling is a stage often missed by children with developmental delays. The act of crawling helps to strengthens muscles, works to help to integrate the sensory system, and develops coordination of the arms and legs. Often, we need to give extra help to learn to navigate their bodies in the quadruped, or crawling, position. We can get down on the floor with our children and crawl together through mazes made of cushions; under tables; and along paths taped with masking tape. Make sure to encourage fun so that your child doesn’t realize he’s working on skills that may be difficult for him. Allow him to rest when he needs to.

Oral-motor skills are critical to eating, drinking, and speech. Often times the local thrift store is full of affordable tools for building strength in the muscles of the mouth. Straws of different shapes and diameters should be used for drinking or blowing bubbles into a pan of water. Have races by blowing cotton balls and other light items off of the table. The use of age-appropriate whistles is a fun way to get immediate reward as the child learns to produce sounds by blowing. Place whipped crème onto the child’s lips and ask him to look into a mirror and use his tongue to lick it all off. This will help him to strengthen the tongue muscles and become more aware of its movements. Try it with him and have a race. Use different tastes and textures such as chocolate syrup.

As you think about your child, keep in mind that he is a child first and he learns critical skills through playing. It will benefit him many fold if you provide him with opportunities to work on his areas of weaknesses while he has fun doing so. Don’t be afraid, your child is happy spending time with you!

By- Cara Koscinki MOT, OTR/L

Author of The Pocket Occupational Therapist- a handbook for caregivers of children with special needs. Questions and answers most frequently asked to OTs with easy to understand answers and fun activities you can do with your child. Order anywhere books are sold. www.pocketot.com

Sounds and feelings

ChewPocketOTPromoImagine the sound of your mother’s voice.

What memories/emotions does the sound of popping popcorn bring?

Think of the sound of nails on a chalkboard. How about the sound of a bee buzzing near your  head?

Each sound evokes feelings within us.  Sounds are more than just noise.  Human beings make sense of our world from sound.  In fact, there are nerves in our ears which are connected to areas in our brains which involve memory, emotion, fear, and our basic alertness levels (among many others).  This is why we form feelings that are attached to sounds we hear.  What I find truly amazing is that our body remembers sounds to help us to determine if something is safe or dangerous and then our body reacts in response.  When the auditory system develops appropriately, we learn to make responses that fit the sounds we hear.

Remember that children with autism and with sensory integration/processing dysfunctions can have difficulty with forming a response to something that they sense.  When children hear sounds, they form an association.  For most of our children with hearing sensitivity, a loud sound they have heard in the past may have produced a fear reaction or, “fight or flight” response.  These sounds are now perceived as dangerous to them.  So many of my clients fear fire alarms because they are loud and unpredictable.  They have difficulty realizing that the fire alarm is meant to protect them.  In fact, for years my own son was so afraid of the fire alarm in hotels that we had to look in the room before actually booking it so that he could see the type of fire alarm being used.  This is not at all practical!  We simply had no idea how to help him.  The same can be said for any sound that may elicit an inappropriate reaction in our children.  We must try to work with them via a social story, empathy, and understanding to create a new or more positive memory of sound.

-It is always wonderful to do a Google search of pictures of fire alarms (or whatever it is that is making the targeted sound).  Print, glue, or draw pictures in the social story and review it often so that your child will be prepared.

-Several forms of earplugs and noise cancelling headphones are available on the internet.

-Encourage your child to list sounds that cause him to be afraid.  Make a plan for each sound.  For example, when he hears a siren, he can cover his ears, count to ten and take deep breaths.  Practicing in advance will help to give him confidence and lessen anxiety.

-Work with your child’s therapist to form strategies.  Fun CDs like Sound-Eaze and School Eaze are available on Amazon. The CDs have sounds set to gentle rhythm and vocals to help make sounds more tolerable. They are not part of any listening program and are a therapeutic tool.

-Therapeutic brushing and sensory activity diets can also help children to maintain regulation.

-Formal programs such as Therapeutic Listening may be used by occupational therapists to help integrate the sensory system.

Remember that not everyone is going to tolerate loud sounds. Many people simply need to avoid them when possible.

Please share your stories of fear of sound and what techniques you’ve used.

By- Cara Koscinki MOT, OTR/L 

Mom to two children with SPD and autism.  Author of The Pocket Occupational Therapist– a handbook for caregivers of children with special needs.  Questions and answers most frequently asked to OTs with easy to understand answers and fun activities you can do with your child.  Order anywhere books are sold.  www.pocketot.com

5 Tips for Transitioning to Summer Clothing

Summer2012 726While most families look forward to the warm spring weather, there are some of us who look at the transition in weather with anxiety.  Why?  Sensory Processing Disorder may make transitions in clothing from season to season difficult.  Many children have a great deal of fear and worry about moving from long-sleeved shirts to short sleeves or from pants to shorts.  You are not alone if your child is NOT dressing appropriately for the weather conditions outside.  According to the Sensory Processing Disorder Foundation (www.spdfoundation.net) ” 1 in every 20 children may be affected by Sensory Processing Disorder” (SPD).  Sensory dysfunctions can occur in any area (or any sense). The largest organ of the human body is the skin, so chances are great that skin receptors may be affected by sensory issues.

Consider the different textures of clothing and their weight.  Winter sweaters and coats are heavier and provide much more “input” or information to our body’s receptors than a lightweight cotton t-shirt does.  In fact, along with the feeling of touch comes the feeling of pressure and weight that our clothing gives us.  Some children and adults with SPD actually report the feeling of light touch as “painful and like nails on a chalkboard.”  Additionally, when we wear shorts or t-shirts we are able to feel the breeze on our skin- which can also feel “light” and “tickly.”

What can I do to help my child to dress appropriately for the weather?  This is something that I am asked frequently and with every change of season.  In fact, I’ve devoted a portion of my book, The Pocket Occupational Therapist to helping children to tolerate clothing, baths, hair and nail trimming.  PLEASE know that you are not alone!  Many families are having this same issue and feel just as frustrated as you do!

  1. Give your child warning that the seasons are going to change soon.  Explain to him that some days are going to get warmer and some are going to stay cool.  Show him the calendar and mark off the seasons or times in your location when weather typically changes.
  2. Let him go through his drawers with you to determine which clothing he may have outgrown since last summer.  Let him feel the texture, see the color, and choose which clothing he will most likely wear when it’s warm.  Allow him to go shopping with you and have a voice in choosing which clothing is purchased for the summer.
  3. Offer him two choices of clothing/outfits daily.  Giving him control over his clothing can really make him feel in charge of things.  Of course, you can pre-select which two choices you offer to ensure that clothing is appropriate for the weather that day.
  4. Ask him which type of clothing he prefers to wear.  Patterns, textures, buttons, seams, and zippers all matter to children with SPD.  Their existence on a shirt can cause a child anxiety and discomfort.  For example, two summers ago my son absolutely refused to wear any shirts with patterns on them.  So, we purchased t-shirts in all solid colors.  He tolerated the plain shirts well!  The next summer when we went through his drawers he began to cry and show signs of great anxiety.  We realized that he now (a year later) had changed and insisted on wearing only shirts with stripes on them……..it’s like playing detective!
  5. Let him practice before he must actually wear the clothing outside.  Give him a day/time in which he will be wearing the clothing.  Let’s use shorts for example.  “On Saturday, we are going to practice wearing our shorts.  You only have to wear them for an hour and will get a sticker (or some reward).”  Build up the time he wears the clothing  be sure to provide lots of praise and encouragement….this is hard work for him!

The absolute worst thing to do is to force him to wear the clothing that he does not want to wear.  How would you like it if someone made you wear a scratchy wool sweater?  Choose your battles.  Sometimes, it’s better to have a child who is actually dressed rather than one who matches perfectly.  Try to relax and stay calm…..your child takes his cues from you!

We KNOW you can do this….remember that you are not alone.  Let us know how it goes!

By- Cara Koscinki MOT, OTR/L 

Mom to two children with SPD and autism.  Author of The Pocket Occupational Therapist– a handbook for caregivers of children with special needs.  Questions and answers most frequently asked to OTs with easy to understand answers and fun activities you can do with your child.  Order anywhere books are sold.  www.pocketot.com

Dear Bully,

cropped-boyforr2g1.jpgToday you hit my son.  You called him “stupid.”  You said he was a “weirdo.”

It seemed so cool to you to say these things to him in front of your friends.  They all laughed.

Yesterday, you asked a group of children to pummel him with balls during recess.  They all joined in while my son tried to laugh it off.  Yes, you are on a sports team and my son is one of the kids who studies his video games.  He is weak physically compared to you because while you were learning how to toss a ball in your backyard, my son was learning how to speak.  You see Bully, my son was born with autism.  Speech, coordination, social skills, and processing everyday things didn’t come easily for him.  He went to speech therapy two times a week.  He worked in occupational therapy to learn how to eat and chew his food without vomiting.  You were eating all kinds of foods never realizing how much work someone else did to learn to use a fork and spoon.  He spent three months with casts on his feet because his sensory processing issues caused him to walk on his toes and get tight heel cords.  Therapists became his friends because they were who he spent most of his time with.  You were out playing on the playground while my son was sitting on the bench, not knowing the words to say to get other children to play with him.  You were climbing on the monkey bars while my son was conquering his fear of stepping onto the first rung.  His body has trouble processing all of the laughter you and your friends were making.  It sounded painful to him, Bully.  He tried and tried to be like you and when he finally came close and opened up, you said hurtful words to him.  He didn’t expect that.  He expected kindness yet got cruelty.  You looked at him as being weaker than you…….

BUT Bully, I know the truth.  I know how hard my son worked to be “typical” like you.  I know how many dollars were spent on therapy, equipment, weighted blankets, visual aids.  I sat with him as he learned what emotions are.  He watched countless videos on how to make friends.  He practiced over and over and over again with anyone who we could find to play with him….there weren’t many…..He worked to learn to carry on a conversation with you.  He fought through his fear of sounds, sights, and feelings to get into this school with you.  You have NO IDEA what he’s been through.  What his father, sister, brother, and I have been through.  It has not been an easy road.

What you don’t yet see Bully, is that autism is beautiful.  My son is beautiful.  He has qualities that will propel him into wonderful things in his life.  He is bright, sensitive, kind, generous, and a good friend.  He is good at lots of cool things that most kids don’t think about.  His life is a blessing to all of us.  Every baby step he takes is celebrated in our home.  We see him for the unique person he is.

Bully, you think you’re on top now.  I wish you would open your eyes to see differences in everyone.  I wish no harm on you, Bully because someday you may have a child with special needs.  You may have to fight and advocate for your baby like I did- and only then will you truly understand.  I can only pray that your child does not meet a bully like you.

By- Cara Koscinki MOT, OTR/L 

Author of The Pocket Occupational Therapist– a handbook for caregivers of children with special needs.  Questions and answers most frequently asked to OTs with easy to understand answers and fun activities you can do with your child.  Order anywhere books are sold.  www.pocketot.com